It's hard to believe that it has been five years. On this day five years ago my life changed forever, I will never be the same person I was before July 6th 2008. As I layed in the triage at UMC labor and delivery wondering what was going on, why everyone was avoiding eye contact with me and not smiling it never occurred to me that one of my babies wasn't ok. I had been worried a couple days before because I wasn't feeling them move, but the night before the doctors at Northwest told me everything was fine so when I got the call that I needs to go to UMC labor and delivery I didn't know why but I was naive enough to still think that all was fine. There are 7 words no mother wants to here: "your babies heart is no longer beating." After hearing those words I just remember screaming and crying and screaming. It is a feeling that is undiscribable and unimaginable to those who are lucky enough to never experience it.
I managed to make it through work today and then spent the evening at children's memorial park with my strong surviving twin Kaleb and my precious full if life Bella. We wrote messages on balloons and sent them up into the sky then sat in the grass and ate candy.
